CHAPTER 9: Problem Solving

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CHAPTER 9: Problem Solving

Hundreds of teenagers helped design and test this Chapter. It works best if you use a pencil and treat it like "homework".

You might have the following problem. You have a big argument with a close friend. You think that he or she just did not understand you and would not listen to what you were saying. What would you do?

First, I would: ____________________________________________________.

Second, I would: _________________________________________________.

Persons who have talked to many teenagers have found that the way in which teenagers solve problems affects the way teenagers feel. Study the Diagram below.

Note how certain methods for dealing with a problem lead up-the-stairs toward better feelings and often solve the problem.

Also notice how other methods for solving serious problems go down the stairs to bad feelings and often made the problem worse. For example, yelling, or hitting is a down-the-stairs way of dealing with a problem.

Were your two methods for dealing with the problem "up-the-stairs" or "down-the-stairs" actions?

_____ Both were "up-the-stairs". _____ Both were "down-the-stairs". _____ One was "up the stairs" and one was "down-the-stairs".

Stairs of Actions When You Have A Problem, Which Stairway Do You Take?

Down the Stairs Actions Can Be Dangerous

Some teenagers who feel depressed or sad have thought about harming themselves - even committing suicide. Many persons think about suicide during a very bad time. Then they find better ways to solve the problem and the thought goes away. Teenagers sometimes need more time for the thought to go away. Therefore, they need to talk to someone about the problem. (Also see Chapter called Feelings)

Another example: Some teenagers use illegal and dangerous drugs. This is a problem because the drugs can kill and often get the teenager in trouble with the law and they do not solve or change the problem. (Also see Chapter called Health Habits)

Actions and Consequences

Quick actions lead to quick consequences. Quick actions can lead to quick harms. Talking things through gives you time to think about actions and consequences.

Most teenagers say they talk to their parents, other teenagers, and other adults about problem solving. Their ideas about problems, situations, actions, and consequences may be helpful. Therefore, in a class or a smaller group of friends, you may want to talk about your plans and exchange ideas.

Changing unwanted habits and feelings into desirable habits and feelings is a challenge. American teenagers find that getting answers to questions about their health, alcohol, drugs, and school is often easy. However, they say they have difficulty finding answers to questions about solving personal problems or about feeling better about themselves.

Let's talk about a way to look at personal problems -- we call this problem-action-consequence thinking. All choices and actions have consequences. This means that how we act and react causes actions and reactions from others. When we yell, someone will get angry. When we blame, someone will get defensive. If you imagine how the other person might think, feel or act, you usually can understand how your actions will affect the other person.

Feelings and Actions are Connected

Can your problems lead to dangerous actions?

"Up the Stairs" Actions

Doing well
Felling good about yourself and others

"Down the Stairs" Actions

Hurting yourself and others- legal problems, damaged future
Having sex- pregnancy, infections
Drugs and drinking- legal problems, damaged future
Avoiding and failing- school problems

Looking at Ourselves

The following statement describes what you might have done in some situations.

You just noticed that you have lost all of your important notes for a school paper. You worked very hard on the notes for almost a week because it is your favorite class. If you get a good grade on the paper, you will get a good grade in the class.

Answer Yes if the statements below describe actions that are like you. Answer No if the actions are not like you at all.

I would think about something else: try to forget it; or would do something like watching TV or play a game to get it off my mind.

Yes No
I would just accept the situation because I know I cannot do anything about it.

Yes No
I would keep wishing this thing had never happened or that I could change what had happened.

Yes No
I would yell, scream or hit something.

Yes No
I would try to feel better by eating a lot, smoking, drinking beer or, using other drugs.

Yes No
I would find out who was to blame for the situation, and blame them (or myself) for making me go through this.

Yes No

If you have checked any Yes responses it means that you sometimes go "down-the-stairs" towards harmful actions and unhappy feelings. The problem may not be solved.

Let's try looking at ourselves" again.

This time, imagine a situation where someone has just given you a dirty look or has said something bad to you.

The statements below describe what you might have done in this situations.

Answer Yes if the statements below describe actions that are like you. Answer No if the actions are not like you at all.

I would think about something else: try to forget it; or would do something like watching TV or play a game to get it off my mind.

Yes No
I would just accept the situation because I know I cannot do anything about it.

Yes No
I would keep wishing this thing had never happened or that I could change what had happened.

Yes No
I would yell, scream or hit something.

Yes No
I would try to feel better by eating a lot, smoking, drinking beer or using other drugs.

Yes No
I would find out who was to blame for the situation, and blame them (or myself) for making me go through this.

Yes No

If you have checked any Yes responses it means that you go "down- the-stairs" towards harmful actions and unhappy feelings.

Try this exercise one more time, using the following situation:

You and a parent have been having a serious argument. Your parent is upset about several problems and you are told "Don't you ever talk to me like that!"

I would try to see the good side of things and /or concentrate on something good that could come out of the situation.

Yes No
I would try to calm myself by talking to myself, praying, taking a walk, or just trying to relax.

Yes No
I would turn to other adult(s) to help me feel better.

Yes No
I would talk about how I was feeling to one of my friends.

Yes No
I would try to solve the problem directly.

Yes No
I would think of ways to solve the problem and talk to others to get more facts and information about the problem.

Yes No

If you said Yes, this is what I might try to do you are "going up the stairs" toward solving problems and happier feelings.

Another "Tool" to Try

Lets talk about a ways to begin to step-by-step problem solve.

Step 1: What is the problem ?

Think about a problem: ( for example) someone borrowed money from you and has not paid you back.

Step 2: What goal would you want to achieve?

What would you like to happen: ( for example) you want to get the money back within two weeks.

Step 3: What are some of the ways (ideas, solutions ) that would help you reach you goal ?

Brainstorm on how you could possibly reach your goal (you may want to talk with a friend, family member or other adults to help with generating some ideas. When thinking about possible solutions, try not to discount your ideas. You will have an opportunity when using the worksheet to evaluate your solutions.)

For example:

Ask the person who owes you the money, when can you pay me the money back?
Ask or write a note asking for the total amount by the end of the week.
Ask the person to pay you back in several small payments over the next two weeks.

Step 4: Look at the Pros (advantages) and Cons (disadvantages) to each solutions.

For example:

If I asked for the money back?

Advantages (Pros): I might get the money back Disadvantages (Cons): It would be too hard (I would be embarrassed/afraid).

Write a note asking for the money by the end of week?

Advantages (Pros): I could express my thoughts clearly. Disadvantages (Cons): I really dont see any problems doing this.

Have the person pay back small payments over a few weeks ?

Advantages (Pros): Could work! Disadvantages (Cons):

I need the money now.

Which one of these solutions do you think would work best for you?

When you look at each of these solutions which one do you think would be most successful?

Step 5: Choose the solution that would work best for you and possibly be the most successful.

Step 6: Think of some of the things you need to do to get ready for your solution!!

When will the best time be to do this?
Where is the best place?
What do I want to say?
How do I want to say it?

Helpful Hints:

Remember when talking :

Say how you feel so that it is not hurtful to you or others.
Think about what you need to say, say it as best you can, and someone will listen.
Blaming causes anger. Use the "I" word. (I am hurt because) (I am angry because)
Anger does not lead to problem solving.
"Say what you mean without being mean!!"

Problem Solving Worksheet

(EXAMPLE)

** 1) Problem: **

Some kid is bullying and threatening me at school.

Achievable Goal:

Talk to someone this week about how I feel about the bully and what I can do.

3) Solutions:

Talk to a good friend about the bully.

Pro's (+)

My friend will know about what I am going through.

Con's (-)

My friend might think they have to get involved.

Talk to a teacher.

Pro's (+)

The teacher would know what to do. He/she may have dealt with it before.

Con's (-)

Talking to a teacher might make the bully mad.

Talk to the bully.

Pro's (+)

Openness + honesty can help to break down barriers.

Con's (-)

The bullying may not improve.

Talk to my parents.

Pro's (+)

My parents may help and support me.

Con's (-)

My parents may not understand or get upset.

Talk to my brother or sister.

Pro's (+)

My siblings may have some advise.

Con's (-)

My siblings might act or take my problem into their own hands.

Choice of solution:

Talk to the teacher this week.

Steps to achieve solution:

Ask the teacher if you could meet with them after school.
Write down some of the problems you have had with the bully.
Meet the teacher and find out what you can do about the bullying.

Do the worksheet using a problem that is bothering you now or has bothered you in the past.

Problem: Be clear and describe it in simple terms
Achievable Goal: use action words, doable complete this week.

3) Solutions: dont discount any idea, just think of ways that might help you reach your goal

Pros (+) ** what is good about this **

Cons (-) ** what is hard about doing this **

Pros (+)

Cons (-)

Pros (+)

Cons (-)

Pros (+)

Cons (-)

Pros (+)

Cons (-)

Choice of solution: Best one to help you reach your goal.

5) Steps to achieve solution: ** Exact behaviors, step by step guide to helping you do the solution **

Helpful Hints from Other Teenagers

Anger and Sadness are Real Understanding that feeling sad is different than feeling depressed and hopeless. If something doesn't go right for you, you may be sad and disappointed. The good side of sadness is that it can teach you what to avoid in the future and how to improve. However, if you begin to blame yourself, you feel tired, irritable, hopeless, and depressed. This has no good side. You need to talk to someone you trust about this.

Understanding that feeling annoyed, tense, or angry is O.K. Feeling annoyed allows you to temporarily protect yourself from something that is irritating. The good side is that feeling annoyed can teach you how to avoid the irritation in the future. Acting on your angry feelings, on the other hand, usually has a bad consequence. What are some "up- the-stairs" methods of dealing with anger?

Know your limits and set limits

Here are the common areas where limits become a problem.

Parents. They are not perfect! You are not perfect! (But they have more experience and power than you).

Tell your parents what you are proud of and like in them. Also tell them what you are proud of and like in yourself. Both you and your parent(s) should be prepared to hear answers you may not want to hear, but that is O.K. if you don't lose your temper. Sometimes you will have to compromise. Differences in opinions can be rejected without rejecting the person.

Success. "I have to succeed. I cannot fail!"

Really? Everyone who tries something fails sometimes. "No pain, no gain", the saying goes. Whenever you have a setback, ask yourself what you have learned and what this particular failure really means. Then, move on -- don't dwell on setbacks!

Pressure. "Everyone is doing it!"

Make your own choices! You always have the right not to have sex or not to use alcohol or drugs....even if you have before. Take a close look at why you may be tempted to say "yes". Avoid high risk situations where you will feel pressured. Spend time with friends who share your beliefs and values.

Read the Popular Pressure Lines and Responses listed by teenagers on the next page. They talked about the lines they had heard and how they were able to best respond to these lines. These kids were not "straight arrows". They did not live in monasteries. They were like you.

They said that coming up with good answers was easy. The hard part was deciding what they believed and saying it in a "real world" situation. Some said it was best to practice with others who shared their beliefs.

Where there is a ____* in the text below, you can put in words like sex, drugs or alcohol.

Popular Pressure Lines and Responses

"Everybody's doing it!"

** "I'm not everybody. I'm me! Besides, I know that everyone is not doing it!" **

"If you love me, you'll have ____* with me."

** "If you love me, you'll respect my feelings and not push me into doing something I'm not ready for." **

"If you won't have____* with me, I won't see you again."

** "If that's the way it has to be, I'm going to miss you." **

"I know you want to do it."

** "When did you learn to read minds? If I wanted it, we wouldn't be having this argument!" **

"Come on, grow up! You can't be a kid forever."

** "Having ____* does not mean you're grown up!" **

"We did it before, so what's the problem now?"

** "I have the right to change my mind." **

"Don't you want to be a woman/man?"

** "Having ___* doesn't make you a woman/man. I'm making a mature decision." **

"Aren't you curious about ____*?"

** "I think that is a stupid reason to have ____*." **

"But I have to have it."

** "No you don't. If I can wait, you can wait." **

"Don't you want to be popular at school?"

** "People like me because of the kind of person I am. I don't have to have ____* to be popular." **

"You want it as much as I do!"

** "No, I really don't." **

"Try it, it will be the best you ever had."

** "The best thing for me is to do what I think is best." **

"Take a ____*, it will get you in the mood."

** "I don't need a ____*, and I don't want to have ____*." **

"If you don't, someone else will!"

** "You better leave now if you want to find that someone!" **

To reduce bothersome problems, Go TO Problem Solving.

We have tried to make the How's Your Health error-free. However, those involved in its preparation can not warrant that all of the information is accurate and complete. When you use How's Your Health as a guide for your health and medical care, be sure to discuss any questions about it with your doctor, nurse, or other health care worker.

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